I wemt to Atria and found my mother sitting out by the
Dining Room. She asked her usual question--what I'd been doing that
was exciting. I told her I was trying to arrange a luncheon for
several girls from my grammar school days. She wsa non responsive.
I don't think she knew who I was talking about. All she said was "I'll have
to see how I feel. I don't feel well today." She was relieved
when I told her she was not invited, so she didn't have to worry.
Then I told her about the sad news about her friend Jeff,
from whom I received an email today, She used to work with Jeff at
Hospice of Marin and though she seems to have no memory of her female
friends there, when I mentioned hearing from Jeff a few weeks ago, she
instantly brightened and said of course she remembers Jeff and
that the two of them had great fun together.
But today I learned that he has been diagnosed with liver
cancer and is about to undergo chemotherapy. He would like to see my mother
and I told him when he was up to it either we could go there, or he could
come up here, whichever worked best for him
I told her what I had learned and she didn't remember him.
When I gave her enough information she said oh yes, she remembered, but I'm
not convinced that she did. And the news of his cancer elicited the
response "Well, life goes on..." It bothers me so much that she has
lost her ability to feel any emotional response to news, good or bad.
She really didn't feel well today. She said all her
insides feel like they are shaking and when I left her to try to find some
of the non-existent coffee that Atria never has any more, I came back to
find her bent over with her head in her hands. Not knowing where she is or
what she is supposed to be doing (which has been her daily problem for the
past three years) is driving her crazy, and I just don't know how to help
her. She can't remember an explanation of where she is and if you give
her a chore to do, she doesn't want to do it, she just sits there wondering
what she is supposed to do.
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