Journey Through Dementia

Journey Through Dementia

Thursday, August 27, 2015


One of the big frustrations of my mother's condition is that I feel so incredibly alone.  I never thought I would say that I miss my sister (who died in 1971), but I do.  It would be so nice to have someone to share this with.

Her step son, who used to have dinner with her every week or more often, has discovered that, golly's a long drive from Marin County to Davis (which I used to make in the other direction 1-2 times a week) so he now comes every month or 6 weeks.  He is invaluable, though, in that he handles all of her finances.  I'd be lost without him.  I also send reports to her stepdaughter and she never even indicates that she has heard from me.  The step grandchildren who, I thought, loved her, haven't seen her in nearly 3 years.  Just too far to come.

But she's been the "queen" of her own family, all these cousins and second cousins that I have who have worshiped her for years and waited on her hand and foot whenever they saw her.  There is a private Facebook group set up for the family and I post reports on how she is doing and how I'm feeling and nobody ever says anything.

One of my cousins (the one I would least expect to say anything) just wrote "Sorry to hear this Bev...It's tough.."  It was THE FIRST TIME in three years that anybody had given me any emotional support at all.  It almost brought me to tears.

One cousin comes occasionally to give her a manicure and that is very generous of her, but even she is coming at longer intervals now.  Nobody else has come to see her, and if they call her, I have asked them to let me know so I can keep track of who has contacted her, but either they don't call or they don't think letting me know is important, and though I know she enjoys their calls, she never remembers after she hangs up.

One reason I set up this blog (other than keeping a record for myself) was so that the family could keep track of her, if they wanted.  To the best of my knowledge nobody has ever looked at it.

It just makes me feel that I'm out here on my own without anybody to say "there, there...we understand. You're doing OK, kid."

My kids are wonderful and Walt does what he can.  When his mother was in her last years, he had  a brother and a sister to talk with.  I just feel so totally lost some days.

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