I took a break from cleaning to go to Atria. I had bought some fresh strawberries at the strawberry patch yesterday and this morning made a strawberry pastry using some puff pastry dough. It was quite tasty and I decided to take a piece to my mother (I know it will still be in her refrigerator when I go there in 2 days again to bring her clean laundry because each time I reminded her to eat it, she couldn't remember I had brought it in the first place.)
She was in as good a condition as she ever is, memory like a sieve, but in good spirits. I got an insight into what dementia does to your brain. She told me that as she sat there looking at the door of her apartment, she didn't have a clue what was outside that door and she didn't know if she should go left or right or straight ahead. She figured she would know when she opened the door, but she could not visualize it...after 3 years. I also mentioned Walt and she asked me who that was.
She tried to read a lab report from Kaiser which was headed "No significant abnormality" but could not sound out the word "abnormality" and said she had no idea what it meant.
These days I am more resigned, but sadder too, and I always leave the place feeling like I'm carrying the weight of the world. I often go for a short drive in the country just to clear my head of dementia-brain before I go home. I also find I sometimes postpone my trips to visit her. She would like me to come every day, I usually come every other day and lately I've been going every 3rd day. And I get angry with myself for finding reasons to postpone going to see her. But I guess the good thing about dementia is she can't tell one day from the next, so I could probably skip a whole week and she wouldn't realize it.
I hate this disease.