I was awakened by Walt poking me and holding out the telephone saying it was Kaiser calling.  It was about 11 p.m.

The doctor said that my mother had a fall and that she had broken -- I thought he said her rib, but it was actually her wrist.  The doctor said they would call when she was ready to go, but I knew she would be frightened, so we left right away and drove the 30 miles to the hospital.

My heart went out to her.  She was lying in the bed calling out, softly, "help me.  please help me."  She was happy to see me and the first thing she wanted me to do was to help her to sit up so she could help me.  But we wouldn't let her sit up because I thought she had a broken rib.  We had to fight to keep her down and explain to her over and over again where she was and why she was there.

The doctor finally came in with the supplies to put her in a cast while he sent Walt and me out to the waiting room, where we sat with barfing lady, a poor woman who had a barf bag and made horrible vomiting sounds every couple of minutes, as her bag slowly filled up.  It was lovely.  I was very happy when they finally took her into the back to examine her.

I was surprised to go back into the room and see my mother with a huge cast on her arm.  That's when I realized that she had broken her wrist.   

As I told Jeri this morning, my mother is a lovely woman who is very gracious and will do anything for anyone.  When she first saw me, she was scared in pain but the first thing she said was that she wanted to sit up so she could help me.  But when there is something wrong with her, she can be a real bitch.  She hates the look of the cast and the doctor said she had already torn it off once, so they had to strengthen it.  I had to keep her from trying to tear it off.  She still didn't know why she had to wear it or what had happened to her.

We finally got her into the car but first she complained of the cold, then of the discomfort of the car, and then the wait for Walt to pick up her meds at the pharmacy (many, many times), and all the while picking at the cast.  I got into the back sat with her to keep her from ripping at her cast.

We finally got back to Atria and helped the aids get her settled in bed, though I will be interested to see how they found her this morning.  It will probably take about six weeks for her to be in the cast.

I suspect it will be a long six weeks.

Sleeping Beauty

Another step down for my mother yesterday. I went to deliver Depends and bring her a box of chocolates. She was sleeping, so I just settled in and waited to see if she would wake up. When she did she was *totally* out of it, mumbling constantly but I couldn't understand anything she said. She went to the bathroom, then came back in, sat on the bed and mumbled some more, then climbed back into bed to go back to sleep. I somehow think she never really woke up at all.

When I could understand her mumbling, she was wondering where here sister Betsy was and where her mother was.  I think that she spends all of her waking time and dream time thinking of her family, whom she misses so much.

On the "good news" front, they found her glasses, which have been missing for a week.  They said they were "in her room," but nobody knows where.  I had searched the room pretty thoroughly, so I'm impressed that they found them.

Big Blob

As good and as "with it" as my mother was the last time I saw here was as vague and out of it as she was yesterday. She actually got angry with me because she thought I was just a "big blob" who was sitting on her daughter, hiding her and she wanted to see her daughter. When I told her *I* was her daughter, she said I was not, but she didn't know who I was. She finally got up and got into bed, so I left. Gawd, I hate dementia.

Klonopin

What a difference a little bit of Klonopin makes. She's more "normal" today than she has been in weeks.

Exciting Things

I took a piece of our big apple pie to my mother in the afternoon.  I was so pleased that I finally had something "exciting" to tell her about.  The first thing she asks me every time I come to visit is "so what have you been doing exciting that you haven't told me about?"

I told her about our trip, showed her the pictures from Apple Hill, tried to be entertaining (she kept asking me what country it was in) and told her I had brought her a piece of the apple pie we had bought.

When I finished and went back to the chair to sit down, she said "so what have you been doing exciting that you haven't told me about?"

Sigh.

She "found" the container with the pie in it several times while I was there and I'm 99% sure she will never eat it, but I feel good about including her in all the "excitement" anyway, even if she didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

I talked with one of the aids, with Jen, who runs the memory unit, and with her doctor and we have all decided it's time to put her on anti anxiety meds, so she will be starting low dose Prozac soon. 

Maybe she can finally forget that "something is wrong."

Something's Wrong

They called at 9 a.m. (I hadn't even finished my coffee) and said that my mother was very agitated and they needed me to calm her down.  So I took my coffee with me, skipped breakfast and went to Atria.  (I was pleased to find that her clothes were no longer on her bed or on the chair)

She was agitated and confused, but not really worse than she has been on a bad day before.  I think they were concerned because she wanted to call her mother--she always wants to call her mother.  (Isn't it time her family all return and take her home to live with them--she misses them so much!)

The spiel is the same "something's wrong and I can't figure out what it is." or "I know I'm supposed to be doing something but I don't know what it is."  I've heard this every time for the 4-1/2 years she's been at Atria. 

We were in the community room and she decided to go outside to see if she could figure it out there.  We walked the distance of the garden and then into the little sitting room, where she told me over and over and over and over that she didn't know what was wrong, that people were not doing what they were supposed to do but if she tried to do "it" they'd tell her to leave "it" alone.  When I asked what "it' was she couldn't remember.  All she knew was the people weren't doing their job and that they wouldn't let her help.

I distracted her by showing her pictures in my phone.  It always brings me to tears because I can show her 3 pictures of Lacie -- her great granddaughter -- in a row and at each picture she will ask who that "cute girl" is and when I say "It's your great granddaughter," she has no reaction except to say she's never met her.  I remember how excited she was when Brianna was born, 9 years ago, and now she has no connection with either her or her sister.

Finally she went out to the garden again and we walked down to the community room and I asked if she wanted to go in and watch TV again.  Only when we went in, they were doing cardio exercises, so I started doing them too (they are all done sitting down) and, seeing me participating, my mother did too, though never fully committing herself (instead of raising her arm all the way up, just half way up, etc.

After half an hour of exercise, the aide turned on Lawrence Welk (and I felt very old!).  My mother seemed to have settled down and I had work to do at home, so I left and told her I would see her tomorrow (which I probably won't).  I left without incident and there have been no further calls, so hold the good thought!

Laundry

I spent an hour and a half with her, having brought her a bag of Lindt chocolates (the red bag on the left).  Her laundry has been mounting on the guest chair and I suggested she move it to the bed (which was a command too complicated for her to understand, but she finally got it).

So the entire hour and a half she would turn to her right and ask what the red bag was or where the "garbage" (chocolate wrappers) had come from, so I would explain and then she'd look to her left and ask where all those clothes came from.  Her response to explanation was either that they didn't belong to her and she couldn't hang them up because the real owner would get angry with her or that "tomorrow" she was going to "take the day off" and deal with the clothes. 

At one point when I showed her a photo of herself WEARING one of the jackets she's never seen before she never even looked at the jacket because she was so upset at how SHE looked.  

I offered several time to hang the clothes up for her but she didn't want me to touch them because she had to sort through them and decide which ones she was going to throw away.

When I left Atria, I talked with one of the aides and suggested that they wait until she is at dinner and is not in her room and then hang the clothes up for her.  I suspect she has been telling them not to hang them up because she wants to do it herself.

When I left her room, I gathered up all the candy wrappers and put them in the now empty bag an she was upset that I hadn't asked her if she wanted to keep any of those stuff or not.